Deployment Life

This week we welcomed fall. In Florida that means...nothing. It's still 85-95 degrees, although today it's rainy and slightly cooler (82) so it feels a little like fall in my house watching football and burning a caramel apple cake candle. 2 weeks down now, and this week went fast. I have already developed a well-known deployment illness called "Phantom Ringer Syndrome". This is when you constantly 'hear' your phone ringing. This causes you to run inside/out of the shower/out of the bathroom etc. to check your phone, which is NOT ringing. This week I had a wildlife emergency. Spiders invaded my doorway. I spent a whole 24 hours going in and out of my driveway because a giant, and I'm not exaggerating, wolf spider guarded my front door on the ledge by the handle. No kidding, he was bigger than my palm. Then, he was gone. But, others also showed up from time to time, like this one, who was about as big as a quarter. Baby compared to the giant, who I w...

Wow. It's been a whole week already. I feel like my emotional, ridiculous phase didn't last long this time. Maybe because I can still talk to Bryan every day right now until he actually leaves the states. I spent this week trying to get into a routine. The first two days I sat around in pajamas watching tv coverage of hurricane Irma. It was thoroughly depressing and exactly what I needed. By day three, I finally changed my clothes and showered. I met a few of the other spouses in the squadron, which basically felt like going on a blind friend date. I had this for dinner: I realized that sleeping alone has perks. I can use the entire bed like my own personal desk and storage unit. I love that the remote, iPad, etc. can stay on the bed with me to keep my company! I finished an entire season of Botched on demand and felt great about myself (for not having crazy botched plastic surgery, not for actually watching a whole season of Botched). I also went to see the movie mot...

0250 the alarm went off. I never understand why they always have to leave under cover of darkness. Immediately I switched on hurricane Irma coverage to distract me from the fact that Bryan would be gone in about 2 hours. We got to the theater o n base, where all 60+ deployers and their families were gathered. People ask how I am, and I say fine because that's what you say. There were a lot of crying kids, which always gets to me so I tried not to look at them. We got to stay for about an hour. Yesterday we spent the day tying up loose ends, I mowed the lawn by myself just to make sure I could do everything without Bryan's help. We put up the hurricane panels. Bryan got to FaceTime with his family and Bella and Furio. I only cried once yesterday. Bryan seems sad this time. Usually he's excited about deploying. This time he was definitely more stressed and emotional. Of course that makes it even harder to say goodbye. Whenever I start to feel really sorry for myself I try ...

I'm starting this blog to help me get my feelings out in a way that's constructive and reflective, instead of just ugly crying, drinking wine, and watching Netflix. So, in a way, it's like a diary. A diary that I'm planning to share, which is a bit frightening because I'm a pretty self-contained person. I just want to be able to look back at these posts one day and (hopefully) laugh. We just moved from CA back to FL (where we lived once before). I'm familiar(ish) with the the area and I have some connections here still, so I'm not utterly alone, but I'm still lonely. My husband leaves in about 36 hours, and I won't see him again for close to 8 months. This will be the longest we've ever been separated. He's been deployed 5 times before, so it's routine. NOT! I hate that assumption. It's never routine to send your spouse off to some foreign land where people hate him and sit around wondering if he's safe, if he's eating well,...