Bye Felicia

0250 the alarm went off. I never understand why they always have to leave under cover of darkness. Immediately I switched on hurricane Irma coverage to distract me from the fact that Bryan would be gone in about 2 hours.

We got to the theater on base, where all 60+ deployers and their families were gathered. People ask how I am, and I say fine because that's what you say. There were a lot of crying kids, which always gets to me so I tried not to look at them. We got to stay for about an hour.

Yesterday we spent the day tying up loose ends, I mowed the lawn by myself just to make sure I could do everything without Bryan's help. We put up the hurricane panels. Bryan got to FaceTime with his family and Bella and Furio. I only cried once yesterday.

Bryan seems sad this time. Usually he's excited about deploying. This time he was definitely more stressed and emotional. Of course that makes it even harder to say goodbye. Whenever I start to feel really sorry for myself I try to remember that Bryan has it worse. I get to stay home, with my stuff, in my house. I get to see friends and family and celebrate holidays. I can eat what I want, when I want, and have a glass of wine at night while I watch what I want on tv. Bryan doesn't get any of that. By the time he gets back he'll have missed Halloween, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, a family trip to Disneyworld, Christmas, New Years, our 14 year anniversary, Valentine's Day, and Easter. Maybe, just maybe he'll be home for my birthday.

So when they said that families needed to say goodbye, we made it quick. A quick hug and kiss and I said "text me when you land in Texas". I forgot to say I love you. Then I ducked my head and speed walked out so I could make it to the parking lot before the tears started.

He'll be in Texas for about a month for training before he leaves the country, so I'll get to talk to him every day for a bit. Still sucks ass. Today I plan to cry as much as I want and try to get it all out. It's football Sunday so I might go cry on my friend Rachel's couch. I'm confident that I'll be ok, I just have to get over the initial phase of being alone in this house. If you read this, feel free to comment and send me funny pictures to make me feel better. I need it.

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