Countdown!

I'm starting this blog to help me get my feelings out in a way that's constructive and reflective, instead of just ugly crying, drinking wine, and watching Netflix. So, in a way, it's like a diary. A diary that I'm planning to share, which is a bit frightening because I'm a pretty self-contained person. I just want to be able to look back at these posts one day and (hopefully) laugh.

We just moved from CA back to FL (where we lived once before). I'm familiar(ish) with the the area and I have some connections here still, so I'm not utterly alone, but I'm still lonely. My husband leaves in about 36 hours, and I won't see him again for close to 8 months. This will be the longest we've ever been separated. He's been deployed 5 times before, so it's routine. NOT! I hate that assumption. It's never routine to send your spouse off to some foreign land where people hate him and sit around wondering if he's safe, if he's eating well, and if he'll be able to call/email. And it's never routine to be separated from the person you share your bed with every night for 220+ days.

We've been so busy moving into our new home that I am woefully unprepared for this deployment. In fact, it just started to hit me today as I helped him drop off his bags at logistics and made copies of his orders and locked them in the safe. Our dog needed surgery last week and my grandmother passed away. I couldn't even go home for the funeral, and the guilt is real.

So today, as I drove home from base with the requested lunch of Church's chicken, the floodgates of tears finally opened up and I started my ugly crying phase. This phase usually lasts from 2-5 days. During these days I will cry uncontrollably for hours while wandering aimlessly around my house looking at, touching, smelling, and thinking about things that remind me that my husband is gone and I won't see him for a very long time. It's kind of like exposure therapy. The more miserable I can make myself in the shortest amount of time, the faster I'll get over it.

During the next few days, I'll blog some more, and I'll text/message/snap many of you all with "feel sorry for me" messages. I just need communication during these days. And if I reach out to you, it means I love you and wish you were here to cry with me and feed me Halo Top.

After the first week, I'll be back in the gym and hopefully working. I'll keep blogging the good and the bad, and hopefully you all will comment and chat with me. I'm hoping to keep this blog up throughout the deployment and perhaps after. Help me stay sane!