Bah Humbug
Well, it's Christmas.
I'm sitting in my empty house. Drinking champagne. Crying. The usual holiday festivities. Man, this blog is getting more depressing by the week.
Hoss had a good Christmas. He got lots of treats, 3 new toys from Bryan, 1 from me, and 1 from our fabulous neighbors.
This past week, I tried to gear myself up mentally for Christmas. I hit the gym hard every day. I planned what I'd do on Christmas eve and Christmas. It didn't help.
I paid off my car, which is nice. It frees up a little bit of money each month. I went grocery shopping and I spoke to Bryan a lot. I even had a REALLY great thing happen, well, let's hope it ends up being great. On a whim, I decided to look into the Green Dot training the Air Force is currently contracting for sexual harassment and interpersonal violence training. I emailed their hiring manager to ask if they had any remote positions. I received an email back pretty quickly asking me to submit my resume, so I did. And then the best thing happened... they emailed back within 12 hours and asked me for an interview. And it went amazingly. It was on Wednesday and now I'm just waiting for an interview with the VP of programs. For all the crap that has gone wrong this year, I could really use this. I need this.
Friday, I had a long-distance lady date with Katie. We both went to see Pitch Perfect 3 at the same time, alone. She in NC and me in FL. It was great, but still made me sad. Nothing is as good as being together for real.
So, even with this job possibility on the horizon, the holidays crept up on me. On Christmas eve, I went to a party at a friend's, and it was really fun. It was a taco party complete with a pinata and a salsa competition. I guess my years in Cali honed my salsa game because I won!
I woke up on Christmas and it really hit me that I was alone. My fantastic neighbors had me over for breakfast, which was really lovely. After that, I had a couple friends over for mimosas and it was nice to sit around chatting. I got to video chat with all of my family, watch my nephews open their presents, and see my dad, stepmom, sisters, and Furio and Bella all together. Then, my friends left. And I started browsing my friend's and family's snaps and Facebook posts. And the real sadness set in.
I spoke with Bryan this morning. He went golfing for Christmas and said it was fun. They had a Dirty Santa gift exchange and he received tons of care packages. He seemed to be handling Christmas alone much better than me. Then again, this is his 6th Christmas deployed so he's had practice.
After the dust settled, I cried. A lot. I'm still crying. It's only 5pm so I'll probably cry a lot more before the night ends. I sincerely appreciate everyone who texted, snapped, or sent me messages today. It warms my heart that you all thought of me today. I just want to be done with this year, forget it happened, and focus on a better 2018.
I'm sitting in my empty house. Drinking champagne. Crying. The usual holiday festivities. Man, this blog is getting more depressing by the week.
Hoss had a good Christmas. He got lots of treats, 3 new toys from Bryan, 1 from me, and 1 from our fabulous neighbors.
This past week, I tried to gear myself up mentally for Christmas. I hit the gym hard every day. I planned what I'd do on Christmas eve and Christmas. It didn't help.
I paid off my car, which is nice. It frees up a little bit of money each month. I went grocery shopping and I spoke to Bryan a lot. I even had a REALLY great thing happen, well, let's hope it ends up being great. On a whim, I decided to look into the Green Dot training the Air Force is currently contracting for sexual harassment and interpersonal violence training. I emailed their hiring manager to ask if they had any remote positions. I received an email back pretty quickly asking me to submit my resume, so I did. And then the best thing happened... they emailed back within 12 hours and asked me for an interview. And it went amazingly. It was on Wednesday and now I'm just waiting for an interview with the VP of programs. For all the crap that has gone wrong this year, I could really use this. I need this.
Friday, I had a long-distance lady date with Katie. We both went to see Pitch Perfect 3 at the same time, alone. She in NC and me in FL. It was great, but still made me sad. Nothing is as good as being together for real.
So, even with this job possibility on the horizon, the holidays crept up on me. On Christmas eve, I went to a party at a friend's, and it was really fun. It was a taco party complete with a pinata and a salsa competition. I guess my years in Cali honed my salsa game because I won!
I woke up on Christmas and it really hit me that I was alone. My fantastic neighbors had me over for breakfast, which was really lovely. After that, I had a couple friends over for mimosas and it was nice to sit around chatting. I got to video chat with all of my family, watch my nephews open their presents, and see my dad, stepmom, sisters, and Furio and Bella all together. Then, my friends left. And I started browsing my friend's and family's snaps and Facebook posts. And the real sadness set in.
I spoke with Bryan this morning. He went golfing for Christmas and said it was fun. They had a Dirty Santa gift exchange and he received tons of care packages. He seemed to be handling Christmas alone much better than me. Then again, this is his 6th Christmas deployed so he's had practice.
After the dust settled, I cried. A lot. I'm still crying. It's only 5pm so I'll probably cry a lot more before the night ends. I sincerely appreciate everyone who texted, snapped, or sent me messages today. It warms my heart that you all thought of me today. I just want to be done with this year, forget it happened, and focus on a better 2018.
Love you! I’ll be taking the kids to tony’s soon, so I’ll be ready to cry with you!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I was hoping so much that you would blog that being alone for a Christmas wasn't so bad.I am sorry. I thought about all of you all day on Christmas and feeling especially worried about you and Em. From reading both of your comments on FB was a bit disheartening to me. We do have to take time when we really get down and take a look at everything we have. I know it's cliche and I get down too. Christmas was strange for me this year. It just wasn't correct. It's been a crappy year. I say that and then I think, I got to see my best friend this year and I got to go to Disney with my daughter and grandkids.( Who gets to do that 2 years in a row?). Georgia was here for Thanksgiving, I got to share something on someone's bucket list. I found guests to stay in my unit. My cars are both running. I have family and I have friends. I'm not for want of anything. Then I say, yes I am . Why am I sad? And I am. So,I know the feeling and it does suck. I just really look forward to knowing I am going to have happy days. They come and go and I love them and I hate the bad ones just as much. Your job interview sounds very promising. Let's all try to stay busy stay in touch and do one thing every day that we like and take note of it. I'm gonna challenge you to post one pleasant thing in your day that you enjoyed until Bryan comes home and when you do we all have to comment one thing back. I love you to the moon.
ReplyDeleteMom